Policies

The walls of buses will be covered with scratch n' sniff, with every bus being a different smell. This will increase ridership on the TTC.

We will create new subways that go aboveground, are small, compact, and personal, and can go in any direction. We will turn the old subway tunnels into a giant lazy river.

The word "muck" will be banned in the context of eating food.

Raccoons will be trained to become our police, firemen, and EMTs.

A Weedsmell Task Force (WTF) will be implemented to spray perfume on marijuana users.

All speed bumps from the roads around the city will be removed, then lined up on the 401 to create a giant Evel Knievel ramp.

Public urination will be legalized because this city is already a s--thole.

All public benches will be replaced with beanbags for citizen comfort.

City Councillors will be called "City Clowncillors" for accuracy.

Politicians will be banned from kissing babies, because that is creepy.

Legislation will be introduced to give the mayor of Toronto omnipotent powers.

The word "Orwellian" will be banned so people can't complain about my policies.

The judicial system will be replaced with fights to the death.

Sports will be replaced with fights to the death.

Education will be replaced with fights to the death.

Driving will be replaced with fights to the death.

"Manholes" will be renamed to "womanholes."

"White collar crimes" will be renamed to "every colour collar crimes."

Street preachers must choose a different faith every day.

Inflation will be ended by popping all the balloons in the city.

Taxes will be abolished and replaced with fund contributed to by all citizens that pays for public services.

Currency for the City of Toronto will be created, with Canadian icon Keanu Reeves on the bills.

I will wage war on Ottawa so that we can become the capital city of Canada.

We will rename Lake Ontario to "South Toronto."

I will help with global warming by speeding it up.

The climate crisis will be improved by replacing unnecessary politicians with trees.

I will execute all the turtles so they stop eating all our straws and we can bring back single-use plastics.

I will train all Canada Geese to only poop on my opponents' lawns.

To reduce light pollution we will turn off the stars